I didn’t want to make a big deal but I did want it to be acknowledged that I am a mother, or one in the making. I didn’t want a big fancy gift from Mimi marking the occasion, what I did ‘need’ was a nightie to wear when in the hospital.
Most of the day was celebrated at my MIL house where SIL was also present. Our little nephew has grown so much and I got to have a little cuddle which I’m always grateful for. The day for me was just right, SIL and I had a really good discussion about many topics, but mainly about pregnancy, babies and family expectations. It was a good afternoon, it would’ve been better if my mother was in the country. I missed my Mummy that day.
Tuesday, 16 May 2006
Today
16th of May 1976 was the date and year of my birth. I turn 30 today, do I feel different? No, do I feel 30? No. It is almost just like another day.
I have no big plans to celebrate today, which my sister has given me non-stop grief. I don’t feel in the mood to celebrate with many people. I’m happy to celebrate with my husband on our own. After last years fiasco with G and Zs celebrations of my Birthday going haywire. I didn’t feel the need for a repeat.
The many past Birthday wishes have been answered and I couldn’t think of wanting anything else than being pregnant with my first baby on this day. That is the entire gift that I needed or wanted, I’m happy with having this little somersaulting miracle in my belly.
I wonder if anyone else has felt this way before.
I have no big plans to celebrate today, which my sister has given me non-stop grief. I don’t feel in the mood to celebrate with many people. I’m happy to celebrate with my husband on our own. After last years fiasco with G and Zs celebrations of my Birthday going haywire. I didn’t feel the need for a repeat.
The many past Birthday wishes have been answered and I couldn’t think of wanting anything else than being pregnant with my first baby on this day. That is the entire gift that I needed or wanted, I’m happy with having this little somersaulting miracle in my belly.
I wonder if anyone else has felt this way before.
Saturday, 22 April 2006
Crying Baby
I can’t seem to get my SIL and her little boy of my mind, Easter Sunday I got to witness first hand how much she adores her child and how well he is looked after and loved.
Up until this point, my assumptions were purely based on what MIL had told us and the situation was reported as being grim, no love, constant crying by both baby and mother, not feeding correctly and so on.
I should’ve learnt by now that I shouldn’t listen to people and form my own opinions. In this case I didn’t and part of me feels guilty. Last Sunday our little boy fought the need to sleep, it was better to stay awake and look around. But he was tired so mummy had wrapt him up and held him until he fell asleep. A short time later he woke up and started crying, Mummy tried to settle him but he fought it and started getting really annoyed.
It was amazing to see that as soon as he was held, he went straight back to sleep, within seconds. SIL and I took him out to the living room and I got to hold him while he slept.
MIL steps in and starts saying how with her 3 kids none of them cried that much during the day and that our little boy was just a ‘bad baby’. I was quite upset seeing how SIL was being worked up; it is not her fault that her child cries.
As we were leaving I turned to SIL and told her that she was doing a fantastic job! She cried a little and her husband admitted that she didn’t believe that she was doing a good job.
The next morning I turned to the book that I have beside my bed, Baby Love by Robin Baker just to see what she said about crying baby:
Feelings of guilt, loss of confidence and loss of self esteem may come from within or may be triggered off by heath professionals, partners, grandparents or the neighbour. Women whose baby cry a lot often become isolated simply because even if they can accept the crying, others can’t.
A mother with a crying baby may feel disappointed when a much-loved beautiful baby doesn’t come up to everyone’s expectations – ‘not a good baby’. Disappointment might turn to anger as the mother tries harder and harder and becomes more and more exhausted.
From Baby Love by Robin Baker
I’m guessing (as I don’t know yet) that having a new baby can be a tough time and more than anything you need support not criticism or being made to feel guilty. It got worse as the afternoon wore on and as he woke up again MIL started hassling SIL that the baby had a sore stomach or was hungry or thirsty, which was not the case. I’m still so appalled as to how SIL was treated and dominated by her own mother, I just wish that there was more than I could have done for my SIL.
It also terrifies me to think that if SIL wasn’t in the house, MIL would’ve automatically fed something to the child as she thought his tummy was sore or he was thirsty.
The lessons I have learnt from this are:
- Not to listen to MIL about SIL
- Not allow negativity to dominate our conversations
- Grow and stronger back bone to deal with MIL when Bobim arrives
- Leaving Bobim with MIL will be done with strict instructions, or not at all.
I should put a sign on our door in Hungarian and English….Negative Comments and unwarranted advice are not welcome here!!!
Up until this point, my assumptions were purely based on what MIL had told us and the situation was reported as being grim, no love, constant crying by both baby and mother, not feeding correctly and so on.
I should’ve learnt by now that I shouldn’t listen to people and form my own opinions. In this case I didn’t and part of me feels guilty. Last Sunday our little boy fought the need to sleep, it was better to stay awake and look around. But he was tired so mummy had wrapt him up and held him until he fell asleep. A short time later he woke up and started crying, Mummy tried to settle him but he fought it and started getting really annoyed.
It was amazing to see that as soon as he was held, he went straight back to sleep, within seconds. SIL and I took him out to the living room and I got to hold him while he slept.
MIL steps in and starts saying how with her 3 kids none of them cried that much during the day and that our little boy was just a ‘bad baby’. I was quite upset seeing how SIL was being worked up; it is not her fault that her child cries.
As we were leaving I turned to SIL and told her that she was doing a fantastic job! She cried a little and her husband admitted that she didn’t believe that she was doing a good job.
The next morning I turned to the book that I have beside my bed, Baby Love by Robin Baker just to see what she said about crying baby:
Feelings of guilt, loss of confidence and loss of self esteem may come from within or may be triggered off by heath professionals, partners, grandparents or the neighbour. Women whose baby cry a lot often become isolated simply because even if they can accept the crying, others can’t.
A mother with a crying baby may feel disappointed when a much-loved beautiful baby doesn’t come up to everyone’s expectations – ‘not a good baby’. Disappointment might turn to anger as the mother tries harder and harder and becomes more and more exhausted.
From Baby Love by Robin Baker
I’m guessing (as I don’t know yet) that having a new baby can be a tough time and more than anything you need support not criticism or being made to feel guilty. It got worse as the afternoon wore on and as he woke up again MIL started hassling SIL that the baby had a sore stomach or was hungry or thirsty, which was not the case. I’m still so appalled as to how SIL was treated and dominated by her own mother, I just wish that there was more than I could have done for my SIL.
It also terrifies me to think that if SIL wasn’t in the house, MIL would’ve automatically fed something to the child as she thought his tummy was sore or he was thirsty.
The lessons I have learnt from this are:
- Not to listen to MIL about SIL
- Not allow negativity to dominate our conversations
- Grow and stronger back bone to deal with MIL when Bobim arrives
- Leaving Bobim with MIL will be done with strict instructions, or not at all.
I should put a sign on our door in Hungarian and English….Negative Comments and unwarranted advice are not welcome here!!!
Friday, 3 March 2006
Home alone
Tim is off at G’s bachelor party and I have been left on my own. We had discussed this earlier in the week and I encouraged him to stay over instead of coming home and Risk driving after a few drinks. It is a very rare thing that Tim goes out with the boys and it gave me the chance to do some laundry and watch what I wanted to watch on TV….or so I thought.
I have just spent the last 30 minutes walking around the house sobbing, like I’ve lost a pet. There is no reason for me to be feeling this way, we live in a safe neighbour hood, so safe in fact that we often sleep with the front door open.
I wouldn’t call it being scared but I do feel vulnerable, uncertain, I miss feeling secure that my husband is in the house. It is all rather stupid but I can’t help feeling so very alone and almost like he doesn’t care…..oh the joys of pregnancy hormones.
I feel like calling him and begging him to come home, so that I will feel more safe……but I will resist and have a nice shower, read in bed then go to sleep.
I have just spent the last 30 minutes walking around the house sobbing, like I’ve lost a pet. There is no reason for me to be feeling this way, we live in a safe neighbour hood, so safe in fact that we often sleep with the front door open.
I wouldn’t call it being scared but I do feel vulnerable, uncertain, I miss feeling secure that my husband is in the house. It is all rather stupid but I can’t help feeling so very alone and almost like he doesn’t care…..oh the joys of pregnancy hormones.
I feel like calling him and begging him to come home, so that I will feel more safe……but I will resist and have a nice shower, read in bed then go to sleep.
Sunday, 26 February 2006
Happy 65th Birthday Anyu
It was my mothers 65th Birthday on the 20th of Feb, however we didn’t get to celebrate until last night when we all (excluding my sister and BIL) went to an Hungarian Restaurant.
Before the Restaurant we stopped off a Anyu’s place to surprise her with some gifts and take some photo’s. I tried to make this Birthday really special, I mean 65 years is a bid deal. Instead of buying the gift that is needed like an Iron I bought her something to just spoil her. A Ruby pendant and a big bunch of Roses (you see the roses in the photo).
It is a rare thing that my parents get to see my niece, it is a long story why, short version is for some reason Sister and BIL and parents are not talking and haven’t really spoken in years.
So any opportunity that my parents have to see the girls is when they are at my place and every time they see them photo’s are taken. Here is a picture of Ellie, Anyu, Tina and Apu sitting in the chair. Aren’t they all beautiful!
Before the Restaurant we stopped off a Anyu’s place to surprise her with some gifts and take some photo’s. I tried to make this Birthday really special, I mean 65 years is a bid deal. Instead of buying the gift that is needed like an Iron I bought her something to just spoil her. A Ruby pendant and a big bunch of Roses (you see the roses in the photo).
It is a rare thing that my parents get to see my niece, it is a long story why, short version is for some reason Sister and BIL and parents are not talking and haven’t really spoken in years.
So any opportunity that my parents have to see the girls is when they are at my place and every time they see them photo’s are taken. Here is a picture of Ellie, Anyu, Tina and Apu sitting in the chair. Aren’t they all beautiful!
Tuesday, 7 February 2006
Low GI
I forgot to mention that I finally met with the Dietician the other week. I was referred to her to help maintain or even lose weight whilst pregnant and reduce the risk of gestational diabetes.
Whilst it was good listening to what she had to say about the Glycemic Index, it was so in your face obvious that she had no clue when it came to pregnancy. She recommended that I go on a Low GI diet, which just screamed FAD FAD FAD diet, but had some truth to it, low sugar levels means lower risk of the diabetes.
We discussed my problems with cooking dinner, cause I told her honestly that for me that is the most difficult meal of the day, by the time I get home from work, I’m 1) so hungry that take away is to much easier and 2) who wants to start cooking a lavish meal.
Some of the alternatives that she offered were very useful, like make Jacket potatoes, salads, kebabs and grilled meats. Then she went on to mention packet meals, you know the ones like Beef stroganoff where the sauce is in a powder form. I sat there staring at her wondering if she understood what preservatives meant…how can she be a professional dietician recommending 2-minute noodles as a meal alternative?
Needless to say I will not be seeing her again, I will simply go back on the Sure Slim diet that was Low GI and work on making sure that I eat fresh healthy food.
Whilst it was good listening to what she had to say about the Glycemic Index, it was so in your face obvious that she had no clue when it came to pregnancy. She recommended that I go on a Low GI diet, which just screamed FAD FAD FAD diet, but had some truth to it, low sugar levels means lower risk of the diabetes.
We discussed my problems with cooking dinner, cause I told her honestly that for me that is the most difficult meal of the day, by the time I get home from work, I’m 1) so hungry that take away is to much easier and 2) who wants to start cooking a lavish meal.
Some of the alternatives that she offered were very useful, like make Jacket potatoes, salads, kebabs and grilled meats. Then she went on to mention packet meals, you know the ones like Beef stroganoff where the sauce is in a powder form. I sat there staring at her wondering if she understood what preservatives meant…how can she be a professional dietician recommending 2-minute noodles as a meal alternative?
Needless to say I will not be seeing her again, I will simply go back on the Sure Slim diet that was Low GI and work on making sure that I eat fresh healthy food.
Sunday, 1 January 2006
Happy New Year
We had a quiet night last night, I couldn’t stay up until midnight as I had crashed by 10:30pm. I’m glad that we didn’t do anything as I knew that I wouldn’t make it the whole night.
But boy was it bloody hot here! We’ve had the a/c going for the past 48 hours and I’m praying that today we get some relief with a cool change.
I’m looking forward to this year, Tim’s sister is having her baby in Feb, I’m possibly having mine in August, it is our 10 year wedding anniversary this year and I’m turning 30. Much to look forward to, feeling very positive and optimistic about the new year!
To all my cyber blog friends, I wish you all the happiness, love and peace for this New Year and to my infertile friends; I wish that this year be ‘the’ year for you!
But boy was it bloody hot here! We’ve had the a/c going for the past 48 hours and I’m praying that today we get some relief with a cool change.
I’m looking forward to this year, Tim’s sister is having her baby in Feb, I’m possibly having mine in August, it is our 10 year wedding anniversary this year and I’m turning 30. Much to look forward to, feeling very positive and optimistic about the new year!
To all my cyber blog friends, I wish you all the happiness, love and peace for this New Year and to my infertile friends; I wish that this year be ‘the’ year for you!
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