It was my first day back at work today and I worked myself up so much this morning that I was in tears having breakfast and I had the shakes all the way to work.
Luckily I met a fellow work colleague on the Train and was able to chat to them and catch up on the gossip. But I still couldn’t stop the anxiety of walking onto the floor and sitting at my desk.
I just knew that these questions would be asked:
“How are you?” said with a concerned look on their face,
“Are you feeling better?”
“What was wrong?”
“Better keep away from me as I don’t want your germs!”
I still sound like I have a cold so a lot of people thought that this was the reason I was away. We have a standard meeting every morning at 9am and in there one guy very innocently said to me “You wouldn’t believe how many people were sick like you, this week!”
I sat there stunned and just smile and nodded “Really I say” but in my mind “Hmmph, they didn’t have what I had”.
But mostly I told the truth to everyone as I felt that honesty is the best policy. Some I just let them think what they thought but others I just said “I had a miscarriage, this is my third one and I’m not coping very well.”
It seemed those that I told treated me very differently I was left on my own, others came and asked if there was anything that they could do. But mostly I felt relieved to get it out in the open. Some also shared their sorrow with me and I just told them that I just couldn’t talk about it with them as it was still so raw.
It helped a lot that I had Bugsy on call and was able to email her through out the day with updates and my vents, I wouldn’t have been able to make it through the day without her being there.
Monday I have a meeting with my Project Manager and Department Manager regarding my hours, I’m already stressing out about that meeting.
Oh hun, I am so glad I was able to be there to help you out a little. I just wish that this had never happened to you once let alone three times. I hope you are okay and the days ahead are full of sunshine.
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