Monday, 17 October 2005

Feeling like a real woman

I am a female, I have all the female parts, I look like a girly girl, I don’t have a masculine voice. But I have not really felt like a lady / woman. When my period arrived at the start of this cycle I was upset but relieved. Upset for another failed cycle but estactic that my period finally arrived on it’s own. I didn’t have to take any medication to induce a fake period….hhmm depends on how you look at it really isn’t it?

I did have to have injections to stimulate follicle growth and an injection to induce ovulation but no drugs to bring on a bleed…does this make sense. I view the injections separate to the start of my period. Anyway with this point of view I was relieved and happy to start my period, along with it all I did feel a great sense of depression. Depression like I haven’t felt since I was 19.

Which got me really thinking about my life up until now, it almost feels as though after my wedding my hormones stopped working correctly and I’ve just existed. Not living but existing, flat even, in this sense I don’t feel as though I’ve been a real female until now. Do shifts in hormones define you as a ‘real’ woman?

I don’t know, all I do know is that I rarely have a sex drive, I felt happy, contentment, sadness and anger but it just didn’t feel enough until now as I have a broader ranger of emotions. Even to the point of having a sex drive (Tim is really happy).

At one point I sat there thinking and feeling sorry for myself saying things like “It’s not fair, no one knows what it feels like not to have a period and feel flat all the time”. But I realised that there were people that knew exactly how I feel, these people are you - the ones in my PC, the ones that have their own Blogs.

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