Thursday, 11 October 2012

My taxi driver Nick

Again it has been sometime. But the beauty about this blog that it is
always here when I need it.
I didn’t realise that I needed it until the other day when on the train
I decided to look back at my most darkest posts and read what was going through
my mind at that time.

There are a number of really dark, ugly and wrong posts and the funniest
thing was that the same theme was happening over and over again. I was and still am constantly repeating the
same circle again, it is like the never ending bitch and moan session for Mari.

I’ve had a number of “ah-ha” moments recently (yes I love Oprah) and I know
that I’m finally ready to stop this unhealthy cycle. I heard somewhere that
your life goes through some changes every 7 years. My Kinesiologist agreed
saying that it has been documented that humans go through major, physical,
emotional and mental changes. So being my 35th year, this is perfect
timing for some changes…finally!!!

So where does my Taxi driver Nick come into this? I will get to that…

I strongly believe that you meet people in your life at certain points
in your life to help and teach you things.
To help you grow into the best person you can be. I can’t actually
remember when I made that the decision but I decided to remove myself out of
the negative influence that was occurring in my life. After that decision was
made, even subconsciously people started coming into my life that I really

I’ve met some really positive people and will ever be grateful. I’ve
even open up more to these people than I ever had before and it is easy for me. This makes me think more and more that this
is finally the right time to be making these types of changes.

I’ve struggled all my life with:
Low self esteem
My weight

Nick my taxi driver has been driving me home off and on for the past 8
years. We formed a common bond over the
fact that we both had issues tyring to conceive. Nick was actually the one that drove me home
on my last day at AXA when I was pregnant with the twins. 

I’ve been doing a lot of crazy hours at work, working the “pm shift”
where I started work at 12pm then left at 9:30pm. I’ve also been working nearly 10-12 hour
days, so in the past 5-6 months I’ve seen a lot Nick. The beauty about having Nick drive me home is
that we gas bag all the way and the drive is so quick, recently the trip has
not been long enough for us to get through everything.

Tonight was a big breakthrough for me as I told him that I’ve been
struggling at work and with my mind about some other stuff, mainly getting rid
of the negative thoughts that I have.

The first thing Nick says to me is “Maria you really have to get over
yourself” which is so true. I struggle
with self-worth and I know that it comes from my childhood, where my parents
(not knowing any better themselves) never really offered any positive
encouragement. I also recall being constantly hurt by my childhood friends,
which I never really dealt with.

The second thing Nick said to me was “Maria you need to loose some
weight, not because I think that you do, because you don’t. You need to for yourself”. Nick’s reasoning was that if I had lost even
the smallest amount of weight then it would give me the confidence I needed to continue
to make improvements in my life that I am seeking.

Another thing that Nick brought up was that I maybe cutting myself
short and not allowing myself to see opportunities because I have the mindset
that I don’t want to be Management. He is of the belief that I would be an
excellent manager, because I don’t have an ego.

Also along with a dear new friend of mine, Nick believes that I think
way too much and we are not talking just mind chatter. I think about everything
that has happened in the day, I worry about comments, remarks, looks and analyse
words said to me, words that weren’t spoken. I think of possible scenarios that
may happen and possible outcomes.

Yeah I think way too much.

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