I worte the above post on the 1st of October and posted it on the 12th. The folate bottle is still on the kitchen bench untouched. I still haven't started taking it, there is something holding me back.
What is it?
My old friend fear!
I'm terrified and honestly I don't think that I have the strength to face it just yet.
I look into Jordy's eyes, his beautiful blue eyes the same colour as my Mimi's and part of me wonders how I could not start trying to conceive. Then I think that I'm being very selfish for not wanting to give Jordy a brother or a sister.
The fear is holding me back and until I let go of that fear then I'm kind of in limbo. Every day I ask myself and I think about the whole process. I start remembering the good and bad times of Jordan's pregnancy. My mind goes in circles...do I dare to face fate again?
Right now the answer no..I can't just can't do it yet. Not yet.
Then the next minute it is why not tempt fate again!!!
I won't answer my questions of when? Today and I know that I have a lot of soul searching to do befofre I finally make the first step.
Hang in there Mari. You're not being selfish at all. There will either be a day when you're ready or a day when you decide you're not ever going to be ready. There's no rush and no one suffers in the meantime.
ReplyDeleteTake care.
- Sassy
(http://sassybabe.typepad.com)
Sassy makes a heap of sense hun. There is no deadline on this stuff (well not for some years yet when you body has it's own deadline!) There is no rush and both proceeding and not proceeding are both the right answers - there is no wrong answer on this one.
ReplyDeleteStick the folate bottle in the cupboard for the moment - don't let it's presence force you into something you don't feel ready for.
You have an amazing son and you are not being selfish if you don't give him a sibling yet or ever.
Give Jordan a cuddle from us all.
Can you make it to a meet up in December?
ReplyDeletehttp://melbournemeet.blogspot.com/