Thursday, 9 December 2010

Negative thoughts

I can’t remember if I’ve talked about this before and if I have then please forgive me! But I feel the need to talk about it again (or the for the first time..not sure which).
During the past month I have been fighting to keep all sorts of negative thoughts at bay. It is sometimes an hourly battle, but mostly a daily battle. Something can happen and all of a sudden my mind and heart blow it out of proportion. I’m seeing backstabbers every where, things I hear I automatically assume are about me. I’m paranoid and I start second guessing simple innocent comments.
This is all happening to me at work and it is not the first time in my life where these negative thoughts dominate my mind. I know in the past I’ve blogged about fighting the “demons” and what I’m fighting are these negative thoughts they bombard my mind.
Meditation helps and so does getting a balance, however the last time I went to have a balance it didn’t really achieve what I was looking for.
My gut feeling is that these thought are linked to my physical body, my hormones are so out of “balance” that at times when my period decides to rear it’s ugly head I’m not prepared to deal with the emotions. I’ve always felt quiet flat emotionally, flat is not the right word, how about constant? Yeah that is how it is I’m neither extremely angry nor sad, I’m just calm and content and this can go on for months at a time. Yet when my hormones finally decide that it has been enough time for my period to start then I go extremes, I’m uncontrollable.
I scream and yell at a drop of a hat, I accuse my husband on cheating on me, I get paranoid and then the negative thoughts start. I can’t be sure that this is what is happening to me but all I do know is that I need help. 
On the way home from work last night a certain situation was rolling around in my head and I was constantly analysing every gesture, word and look that was thrown my way. I was getting exhausted, depressed and angry. I was sitting there on the train working myself up when I had a brilliant idea.. “Just turn the switch off”.
So that is what I’m doing literally switching the negative thoughts off and turning the positive ones on, the switch keeps on jumping back but I just stop what I’m doing and forcefully switch them back….

No comments:

Post a Comment