Saturday, 3 December 2011

My heart

I stand in the middle of a sacred circle; I’m surrounded by all the people that have touched my life. Some I have not seen in years and others are people that have only recently come into my life, others are also my family.

I approach my youngest child, Lilly, I knee down to her and say “My darling little girl, thank you for looking after my heart.  I would have it back now as you are no longer responsible”. With a brilliant smile she hands me back the piece of my heart that she has been holding, which is a beautiful red colour.  I place the piece into my box and move onto Rylie and repeat the same words, this time my child shows a little resistance in give back the piece of my heart.

He is shy and a little upset, I place my arms around him and say “Rylie, dear heart it is not your responsibility to make Mummy feel better, it does not mean I don’t need you.  This means that I’m taking the control of my heart back ”.  With a tentative smile my son places the piece of my heart into my box.

Jordan looks at me with wisdom and complete understanding and after I say to him “My beautiful blue eyed boy, you have held onto my heart for too long my little man, you can give it back”.  He smiles and whispers “I love you Mummy”. 

I then move onto my husband and repeat the words “Thank you for looking after my heart.  I would have it back now as you are no longer responsible”.  He rolls his smiles and places the piece into my box.

Now I turn to a group of people that are no longer in my life, “Thank you all for holding onto a piece of my heart, I relinquish the responsibility. I no longer need you to complete me”.  The pieces that are placed it my box has varying degrees in colour from light grey to black.

I make my way around the circle collecting the pieces of my heart in my box all the while thanking the people in my life that held onto these pieces.

Once completed, I then make my way back into the centre of the circle where I kneel down and peer inside the box.  There are so many pieces some red others appear as mid night black.

All of a sudden I feel an overwhelming sense of despair and I mumble to myself “How am I ever going to fix this?”

I feel someone sitting kneeling down next to me and I look over to see complete compassion in their eyes, they don’t say a word because I can see from their eyes the silent message being given to me “You have the power within yourself to heal your own heart”.

I stare into their eyes for just a little longer and nod my understanding.  The presence remains at my side and then I feel their hand on my shoulder giving me a gentle squeeze of encouragement, it is only for a short moment but it gives the reassurance I need.

I close my eyes and take a few deep breathes in 1-2-3-4 out 1-2-3-4.  I centre myself and open my eyes and place my hands over the box.  I search and reach inside me and where I find the energy required healing my heart.

Nothing happens for a long time but then slowly the black pieces start to change colour and all the pieces start to fit together.  Once my heart is completely restored it is light pink in colour.  The presence next to me then extends their hands just over my heart and with all the love and compassion my heart changes to a beautiful red velvet colour.

“Thank you my friend I really appreciate your acceptance, love and respect. I can take it from here”, I say as I pick up my heart and cradle it to my chest.

I leave the circle and walk out into the meadow where the sun is so warm and bright. Lifting my head up I concentrate on breathing deep in 1-2-3-4 hold 1-2-3-4 out 1-2-3-4 whilst accepting the warm bright white light into my body. I spend some time just breathing, nothing is in my mind other than breathing in deeply.

When I open my eyes the heart that I was cradling is now gone, because it is now inside me.

I have taken back the pieces of my heart.  I no longer need others to make me feel happy, fulfilled or worthy.  I alone make myself feel these things.

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