Tuesday 12 March 2013

This is what is it all about!

I went away with just this past weekend for Labour Day and we went with another family. G, Zs and their two beautiful girls.  We had not gone away just the two families for years and I am still glowing for the glorious time we had.
There was a time when walking back to my cabin from theirs that I felt overwhelmed and the thought that kept on coming back to me was “This is exactly what Best friendships are meant to feel like”.
There was no judgement; there was plenty of laughter and lots of love and talking.  Zs and I even though we were playing cards we stayed up until midnight talking nonstop.  There was no push for conversation.  There were no arguments; there were no accusations and there certainly was no hard feelings felt at all for the last 3 days.
What I have with these people are exactly what best friends are all about!
G is my brother from another mother and Zs is my life long best friend.  At one point during the weekend, Zs was comfortable enough to say to me that I come across as “cold” in text messages.  It was never my intention to come across as “cold” because I always feel joy when receiving a message from her.  But I think that because I had been so burnt out but the text messaging wars of late that I was not my normal self when replying. 
The first day when we arrived Zs asked if I was upset with her because I never called her.  I quickly explained that I was so upset with myself that I had twisted my ankle and then gotten really sick just before the weekend that I didn’t have the energy to call because I was wallowing.  As they left us to unpack, I nearly burst into tears at the thought she believed that I was upset with her.  The next morning when I felt more human I preceded to tell her that she is my best friend, there is nothing that can change this between us.  Life gets in the way and it certainly has for me.  My concerns and my energy for another friendship have totally consumed my life and my other friends felt the cold shoulder coming from me.  That was a wakeup call I needed.
This whole weekend was exactly what I had needed, to be with people that have accepted me for who I am and all they expect is from me is to be myself.  There was another point actually the first morning when Zs and I were talking and she says “You are not talking, you are too silent, come tell me all your news”.  I realised that again I was waiting to be asked questions.  I quickly snapped out of it and started to share all that was going on in my life.
This was Zs, this is the person that held my hand as I was sobbing during my first miscarriage.  G on his first date with Zs brought her over to introduce us.  We have travelled together, we have been very drunk together, we have laughed and we have cried together.
This is what it means to have a best friend.  Not what I had been fighting to gain for over a year now. 
I gained a greater appreciation for the friends that I have over the weekend and a big dose of perspective.  I had it right all along the way, I want people in life that Want to be there and that accept me as I am and NOT have to define how I love them. 
With that I am done fighting, I am done proving to Ambar that I am good enough, because this weekend showed me that I am a magnificent Best Friend just the way I am. 

No comments:

Post a Comment