Not doing too good

My b/t results were not that good on Friday my oestrogen levels rose from 218 to 222. Not happy Jan, so we increased the dose to 150. Next b/t and scan is set for Thursday, so we will see if there is a large enough follie present. My fingers are crossed for a 19-20mm follie present, but given that my levels are not doing what they should be I don’t know if I will be lucky enough.

On Friday I went and saw J (Kinesiologist) and took along all my meds. She put Metformin on my chest and asked me how I was feeling on the medication. I replied honestly that I was feeling shit and suffering at night with cramps and diarrhoea. She then asked me why was I taking it if I was suffering so bad with it, my response was to tell her that I take it cause I asked for it to be prescribed to me but also I was hoping that it would help regulate my cycles.

Well she knocked it off my chest quite violently, that I was surprised, shocked really and basically said well stop it and don’t take it anymore, my body is screaming at her that it doesn’t like it and doesn’t need it. So I decided to follow her lead and stop taking it.

I’ve been very naughty with the whole diet thing; I’ve eaten bread and foods with sugar in it. I also Pizza a twice in the two weeks that I saw J. This time around every few seconds she kept on asking me “Do you want to loose weight?” I said, “Of course I do”, she then says “Really! OK!”.

This went on for the whole hour session; we talked about my eating habits and this was basically our conversation:
J: “Do you want to loose weight?”
Me: “Yes, I do”,
J: “Then no bread”
Me: (sigh) “Ok no bread”J: “Do you want to loose weight?”
Me: “Yes, I do”,
J: “Then no sugar”
Me: (sigh) “Ok no sugar”

I then went on to ask her about natural sugar found in fruit and pitta bread. Fruit is ok but just because pitta bread is flat it is still bread. So no bread what so ever, in passing she mentioned salt and I (stupid stupid Mari), told her that I use a lot of salt. She got all excited and then said:
J: “Do you want to loose weight?”
Me: “Yes, I do”,
J: “Then no salt”
Me: “What no salt as well, your joking!”
J: “Do you want to loose weight?”
Me: “Yes, I do, but”
J: “No buts, No bread, no sugar, no salt”
Me (almost in tears) “Ok no bread, no sugar, no salt”

I spent most of the weekend looking for foods that I CAN eat, working out what I can have for breakfast, lunch and dinner. There is not much that I can eat for breakfast, nearly all the cereals out there have sugar and salt. Since I saw J, I have that fucken question come up all the time in my mind “Do you want to loose weight?”.

YES I FUCKEN DO, SO BACK OFF!