Monday, 22 January 2007

Family stuff

I really don’t know where this post is going but bear with me as I shift all through my thoughts.

I don’t know if others do this, but when I’m shopping and I see something a family member or friend likes, I will either buy it for them or ring / text them about it. It is just how I am. I could be classed as a people pleaser or a suck, I don’t know. I’m so used to doing this that I’m shocked when this consideration is not returned to me.

Reading back over that last sentence makes me sound like a prig. But let me paint a picture (if I can). A while ago there was a really good sale on nappies, and whilst I was there I called my SIL to see if she wanted me to pick up some for her…you know it was no trouble for me I was already there had a trolley and everything and she could just pay me back…no sweat. I felt good for doing this for her, I got nothing out of it but it felt good to help. Situation was reversed and there was no phone call from her and I missed out on a good bargain, I felt hurt and cheated.

Another time I noticed that the baby formula we both use was on sale, again I called to see if she wanted me to pick her some up…no she gets it cheaper than what I found…I was dumb founded…why was nothing said earlier? Why not share a bargain found?

I was so frustrated that I voiced my frustrations to my MIL, saying that why would someone not share or consider someone else…you know when shopping you see something that I like and you call me up and ask if I would like this/that or the other….when these words were out of my mouth I realised…that NO ONE…NO ONE has ever done this for us, not even my mother. I felt so stupid and Tim said that I should stop thinking of others and that I should just concentrate on myself and our little family. But this would be changing part of my core self, which I’m not all the comfortable with and I do it ALL THE TIME.

Just the other day on the way to a baby change room I saw a pair of shoes, that I knew Ellie would like…and instead of just forgetting about it, I actually went in and checked the price and if they had her size.

Question for YOU there…reading this…should I change or stop doing this?

There has been so much…so much drama happening …so much and it is just too much. After another gruelling telephone call, I was ready to spit chips or punch something…anything, the anger was so overwhelming. As I joke Tim turned to me and said, “how about we move to Perth?” without a second thought I said “Let’s do it!”. In that moment I just wanted to run away, leave them all behind…concentrate on us. It was said as a joke and often after a distressing phone call you can hear me mumble “Well maybe we should just move to Perth”.

I have to wonder when this mantra will turn out to be reality…if ever and I don’t care if it looks like I’m running away…hell give me new sneakers as I want to bolt.

I admire my cousin and his wife for moving here from Hungary, they left that drama behind so very courageous and brave. I just seem to turn around and deliberately say…bring it one…I need some more…cause I just can’t seem to say…that it is all too much…why do I let them walk all over me?


  1. I do that too Mari - all the time. And now that you have brought it to my attention, i realise, nobody does it for me either.

    Perfect example - this weekend I am off to my sisters. With me I am bringing up 6 cartons (x 12 boxes in each carton) of long life milk I can get cheaper than her, a cat tunnel for her cat, and a freebie recipe book that safeway gives out - I always pick up one for me and one for her.

    Personally I think you should keep doing exactly what you are doing, but maybe you need to think each time "should I do this?" - perhaps instead of buying pressies to give to them, hang onto them until birthdays or christmas?

    As for bargains - perhaps let them know after you are home that the bargain is there to be had and they can go get it themselves. The rest is up to them.

    Keep being yourself though - you is a pretty special lady and we like you just like that.

  2. It is so generous of you to do that. I would stop it though. You've done more than enough and it hurts you that it is not reciprocated.

  3. Yeah. I think that's really lovely of you, Mari. I'm certain it's not malicious on the part of relatives, but heavens, I would at least make a special effort for someone else who was that thoughtful.

    Families can be hell. I hope you feel better soon. xxx

  4. I think that if you don't get any reciprocation, you should stop. Perhaps once you don't do it anymore they'll miss it, and realize how incredible you were being? Okay, I know I'm dreaming... Obviously it's started bothering you, and I think its the kind of thing that once you've got it on the brain it's never going to go away. I agree with whomever said that if you see something perfect you could always get it as a Xmas or bday present. I think it totally sucks, though, that they're all so thoughtless!!!