I really don’t know where this post is going but bear with me as I shift all through my thoughts.
I don’t know if others do this, but when I’m shopping and I see something a family member or friend likes, I will either buy it for them or ring / text them about it. It is just how I am. I could be classed as a people pleaser or a suck, I don’t know. I’m so used to doing this that I’m shocked when this consideration is not returned to me.
Reading back over that last sentence makes me sound like a prig. But let me paint a picture (if I can). A while ago there was a really good sale on nappies, and whilst I was there I called my SIL to see if she wanted me to pick up some for her…you know it was no trouble for me I was already there had a trolley and everything and she could just pay me back…no sweat. I felt good for doing this for her, I got nothing out of it but it felt good to help. Situation was reversed and there was no phone call from her and I missed out on a good bargain, I felt hurt and cheated.
Another time I noticed that the baby formula we both use was on sale, again I called to see if she wanted me to pick her some up…no she gets it cheaper than what I found…I was dumb founded…why was nothing said earlier? Why not share a bargain found?
I was so frustrated that I voiced my frustrations to my MIL, saying that why would someone not share or consider someone else…you know when shopping you see something that I like and you call me up and ask if I would like this/that or the other….when these words were out of my mouth I realised…that NO ONE…NO ONE has ever done this for us, not even my mother. I felt so stupid and Tim said that I should stop thinking of others and that I should just concentrate on myself and our little family. But this would be changing part of my core self, which I’m not all the comfortable with and I do it ALL THE TIME.
Just the other day on the way to a baby change room I saw a pair of shoes, that I knew Ellie would like…and instead of just forgetting about it, I actually went in and checked the price and if they had her size.
Question for YOU there…reading this…should I change or stop doing this?
There has been so much…so much drama happening …so much and it is just too much. After another gruelling telephone call, I was ready to spit chips or punch something…anything, the anger was so overwhelming. As I joke Tim turned to me and said, “how about we move to Perth?” without a second thought I said “Let’s do it!”. In that moment I just wanted to run away, leave them all behind…concentrate on us. It was said as a joke and often after a distressing phone call you can hear me mumble “Well maybe we should just move to Perth”.
I have to wonder when this mantra will turn out to be reality…if ever and I don’t care if it looks like I’m running away…hell give me new sneakers as I want to bolt.
I admire my cousin and his wife for moving here from Hungary, they left that drama behind so very courageous and brave. I just seem to turn around and deliberately say…bring it one…I need some more…cause I just can’t seem to say…that it is all too much…why do I let them walk all over me?