I am seeing a new Kinesiologist and she is just Awesome! We are very similar and I know that I was meant to meet her and have her guide me through the path from negativity into the path of positivity. My path is riddled with speed humps that sometimes feel like mountains that I need to climb.
I am currently long overdue for a balance, unfortunately work got in the way of my last appointment and I just not had the time to reschedule. Actually as I write the line it makes me think that it is not time that I don’t have. I am simply not placing myself and my needs up on top of the list. (WOW what a big step that was…recognising the “bad” behaviour)
One of the things that the Kinesiologist suggested to me was “unhooking” the physic hooks from the people in your life. This “unhooking” is for when you feel as though you are being dragged down. When you feel as though you are taking on other peoples bagging or for when you feel as though the people are just too much to handle, or when you feel as though you are loosing yourself.
When this was suggested to me I imagined that the “hook” was a fishing hook with fishing wire that was linking me to the other person. At that stage it was Rylie that was displaying behaviours that were outside his character. I could not leave the room without Rylie crying. Once I removed the “hook” Rylie went back to normal.
I try to do this regularly where I imagine the people in my life and then remove their physic hooks from myself. This does not mean that I am removing them from my life it just means that I am not dependant on them and whatever their deal is will not affect me.
The hook that I am trying to remove today just will not budge. For some reason I can not let go of this hook. It is driving me crazy. I do not like the person I have become or am becoming. With other people the “hook and line” are thin and easy to remove. With this person when I imagine the hook it is about the size of my hand and the line is as thick as my arm and as strong and heavy as concrete.
I have tried and tried and tried to mediate on getting this hook out of my soul and body it is just so hard. My mind has imagined that it is hard and therefore made the hook and line unmovable. Today I am going to attempt it for the last time and this time I will succeed:
“I do not need you to be me.”
I walk to the mirror that helps me look into my physic layers. I see my true-self in this mirror and it takes my breath away. I look at my chest and see the hook lodged into my heart. The area around the hook is black in colour.
“I do not need you to be me.”
I concentrate on the hook trying to dislodge, every time I try to remove the hook, it creates another tear in my physic heart. This is just not working! Yanking it out will not work.
“I do not need you to be me.”
In defeat I sit on the grass looking at myself in the mirror, negative thoughts keep coming through. “It is useless”, “this will never work”, “you are stuck with this hook for life”. So here I am sitting there with all these thoughts rolling around in my head.
“I do not need you to be me.”
I am despairing and am feeling quite unhappy and sad. When I start remembering all the happy times I’ve had with the person at the end of the fishing line. Like:
- the times where I looked forward to work as I knew that I would be spending time with the person
- the first time I sent this person a text message
- all the conversations I have had
- each and every time we spent physical time together
- Christmas party
- New Year ’s Eve
- Easter morning
I notice that with each positive thought/memory, the hooking was getting smaller and smaller. So I keeping them coming, first time I was shown affection, first time I held their hand. The time we spoke for 3 hours on the phone. First time I saw behind the concrete wall surrounding their heart.
“I do not need you to be me.”
I spend some time sitting there thinking and remembering everything each and every moment. Soon tears are running down my face as I am feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. I look back into the mirror and notice that the dark spot over my hearts has now turned a beautiful Rose Red colour and the hook is now the size of a proper fishing hook.
With the last thought “I do not need you to be me” I remove this hook from my heart and in doing so it is also removed from this person. Finally after weeks and months this hook is removed and I feel as though I can breathe again.
Before I leave the mirror however I ensure that I repair the hole that this hook caused.
Finally after nearly 6 months I am free and I can breathe!
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