Monday, 31 December 2012

Good bye 2012

I wrote a similar post at the end of 2011 which can be found here.  At the end of 2012 I didn’t write the same thing and have felt that something is missing. 

I went back just now and re-read my post and was surprised.  I no longer have Self-doubt “in me”, “in my life”, “of being a good mother”, and “with my work”.

2012 was a very tough year for me on the personal growth.  I think that it is time to put aside what I have been carrying around for so long.  It is time, so here I go:

Good bye 2012, the last 12 months have been rewarding and the road has been a steep hill climb. I started the year off optimistic and positive. I was ready to tackle all that the universe chose the throw at me and then BAM on the 2nd January 2012 was my first test.

Reflecting now I don’t look back at 2012 fondly, the friendships I had at the end of 2011 and start of 2012 have dwindled and are almost non-existent. This if nothing else breaks my heart and continues to be a constant ache.  Perhaps I am still grieving for all that I have lost!

I started 2012 thinking I had made lifelong friendships that would see me through tough times and good, how wrong I was. Or perhaps this was a lesson I needed to learn.

What I want to leave behind in 2012:
·         Self-doubt:
o   In being worthy of fulfilling friendships

That is the only thing that I have been working on in 2012.

I have also just read the post here where I listed all the things I wanted to achieve in 2012, see how optimistic I was!! I did achieve 9 out of the 12 points listed here is what I did achieve:
·         I know that I am worthy of all, I have no doubts
o   This contradicts my point above, you see I know I am worthy of all. However am I worthy of a fulfilling friendship with the one person that matters?  That is where I am not so sure; this is where I still have doubts.
·         I know that I am enough is all aspects of my life, I have no doubts
·         I am open to all that the universe provides, each and every moment is an opportunity to learn and grow
·         I have learnt that I love myself; I recorded the date where I made this realisation on the train to work on the 29th May 2012.  I finally realised that I loved who I was, the true person that I am.
·         I am happy, well most of the time I try to be happy.
·         I believe that I have achieved acceptance from my family and work
·         I believe in myself, if I set my mind to a task and am motivated with that task then I can do anything I want
·         I am an awesome mother and a provider for my family.

2012 I am closing the door on you and I want to leave behind all the negative situations that occurred. All the pain surrounding my issues with friendships will be left behind in 2012. I no longer have room for you in my life.

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