Monday 3 March 2014

My Nieces – What did I do?

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could’ve been any different.

I know my worth, I learnt that last year. So why was I allowing my nieces to treat me like a punching bag.  I was you know, allowing them, I even told Tina in a text message “I am allowing you to treat me like a punching bag, because you are grieving and I know that this is what you need right now”. I gave her permission.

I decided to honour my spirit and take the permission away. I know my worth and you do not treat me like this.  I know what I have done for my nieces in the past. I started justify my past actions as proof of my love for them. But I caught myself, if they know my worth like I do, why would I need to justify myself? It was obvious in that moment that they didn’t know my worth, didn’t respect themselves enough to respect me. 

So I decided to cut the ties and let my nieces go.  Ellie didn’t believe that I loved her and Tina doesn’t forgive me, wants nothing to do with and says I have never been there for her. Your wish is my command.  Mari is no longer in your life. 

I still love them with all my heart, what is different now is that I love and respect myself more! I am empowered and once the decision was made I felt a big shift occurring within me and within my life.

The most important part was that I am NOT debilitated from the act of letting go.

I can’t sit here and say that I am happy that they are not in my life.  Part of me is sad, I didn’t get the chance to celebrate Tina’s 21st Birthday.  Ellie didn’t visit the twins on their 5th Birthday. My nieces have to clean their parents’ house and settle the estate without our support.  They will get engaged, married and have children of their own and I may not be a part of that. 

As I have mentioned before, I am reading lots of books and watching a lot of youtube video’s.  This is what has stuck with me:

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could’ve been any different. Letting go of the past, so that it does not hold you prisoner.

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