Friday, 17 June 2005

More thoughts

This whole thing with Zs is still bothering me, I had hoped that writing the letter in my previous post that it would help me get past what happened and move on. But for some reason I can’t. I’m actually really angry at myself, furious even; Once again I’ve opened my heart and my life fully to this person who has stomped all over me.

Why do I allow this to happen? Am I destined to be one of those people that never really open up to friends? Or the kind that hides their feelings and never shows their real self? Or is it simply that I always seem to choose the wrong friends to love and cherish?

I think that it is the last point, I actually think that I expect too much of friends, I’m happy to give, give and keep on giving but I never receive in turn, but I’ve been happy with that. This makes me think that I should harden my heart and not give anymore, but then it would not be me. Or the other option is to build a fucken bridge and get over the bitch, why do I crave a friendship with someone that hurts me?

Oh Fuck it…I’ve just got to stop, in the scheme of things there are other more important issue to think about. Stop fucken stressing over the cow for Gods sake.

1 comment:

  1. ouch, that sounds familiar. I've been in that situation too many times, and finally ended up just cutting most of them off. It sucks being lonely, but given the alternative. :/