Monday, 5 September 2005

Balloon of fear

The only solution that I see for myself with this fear is to imagine that I’m blowing a balloon and every breath that I exhale is that fear, the blue balloon is filling with all my fear. I tie the balloon off and attached a blue streamer to it. I’m now standing in a valley with beautiful green tress surrounding me, a river is on my right and on my left are blue wrens playing in a wattle tree. I’m holding this balloon and it is a sunny day

I’m reluctant to let go of the balloon as it currently has a lot of power, “Is it as easy as letting go of the balloon that my fear will go with it?”
Perhaps not but it may help. Well I did do it last night I let go of the balloon in my thoughts. After speaking with my SIL about all the sessions with J, the thought just popped into my head and I said
“Maybe I should imagine that all that fear is in a balloon and let that balloon go”

My SIL freaked out and started getting really excited as this was one of their techniques used with Kinesiology. J has never used this technique with me before, so it was all new to me.

Has letting the balloon go helped? Kinda, when I think of not having bobim, I don’t get that stomach cramping all consuming fear. The fear is there just not as severe, I now see that I have other options in my life, they were always there but were pushed to the side.

I now that that my life purpose was to nurture and provide guidance to children whether they be my own or others. If I don’t have my own then there are many ways that I could still love and cherish children. But I won’t give up on the chance to have my own. I may start looking into the other avenues of having children in my life and perhaps I will feel better for this and not so empty.

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