I saw the surgeon late last week and he removed the staples…all I can say is oooch. He checked me over and we discussed the details of the surgery. He mentioned that this particular surgery took 5 years off his life…because of the amount of blood.
I don’t want to dramatise my experience or dwell on what happened, but apparently I came very close, so very close to the edge of no return. He skimmed over the details and cryptically said that if I was not in that hospital and didn’t have the experience in the room then the surgery could’ve had disastrous consequences, basically I could’ve died.
So how does that make me feel? Guilty, when I woke and I got my bearings, I still could not help feel a great sense of guilt….yes guilt…for putting my needs (to have this surgery) before Jordan’s and then having been told that I came close to dieing makes my guilt even worse. Buy I’m working through this guilt…and if anything what I do is just shower Jordan with as much love and attention that I can give.
Tim surprisingly coped really well with looking after Jordan, he didn’t want any help from my mother or his mother…he wanted to do things on his own. His motto was that if I could do it then he could as well. The best thing about all of this…is that Tim and I are now both on the same page with him…we both “know” his signs and he has bonded totally with his son.
Ok I’m sick of talking about myself so here are some new photo’s of my boy. This is the way Jordan sucks his thumb.
This will be Jordan's outfit for his Christening, I thought that I should try it on him before I wash it and cut off the tags...what do you think?
Finally I managed to take a photo of his beautiful full faced smile!