Connections

After one of my kinesiology appointments, it was recommended to me to try to connect to my heart chakra. This was all new to me as I have "the room in my mind" where in the past I have gone to meditate and heal myself. Outside of this room there is a beautiful green field where there is this beam of pure light that I enter to speak to the universe /God. I never realised that the room represented my third eye and the field and light beam represented my crown chakra

So I went exploring and found that I could easily connect to my throat chakra, this place took a form of an outside auditorium. Where the stone steps or seat rose above a stage, how appropriate? I could walk out onto that stage and either speak, sing and dance. 

To find and connect to my heart chakra I had to travel down some stairs where a white door appeared. When I opened the door I was shocked at what I found there! This was not a simple room but a series of rooms that took shape of a beach front luxury apartment, complete with a balcony overlooking the ocean built onto a cliff face. There was a small path leading back up to my room and the field as they were all connected.

My heart apartment was constantly bathed in the light of a beautiful sunrise; pink, red, yellow and orange colours illuminated the pristine white walls. The furniture was also white The feeling I received when entering this place was one of love and peace. Who I found in that room was also a surprise. When I was first able to connect and enter this room, I was engulfed in a tight warm loving embrace.

"Mari, you finally came; I have been waiting for lifetimes for you to arrive!" "You finally arrived, I am so happy", my heart husband was there.

I have had many conversations with this person and spent a lot of time in my heart apartment Next time I saw my kinesiologist I complained that I was not able to connect with my lower three chakras, solar plexus, sacral and the base. At this time she was able to align my spirit within my body, I was so far away from myself that I couldn't connect. Ever since then I feel everything in my gut, at times the discomfort is uncomfortable.

Slowly I was able to connect and see my solar plexus, this took shape of s cylinder tower when I walked in I looked up and turning around I was faced with a stair case leading around the perimeter and infinite number of levels. On each level every 4 meters there was a white door. The roof was a beautiful dome where the stained glass window changed. I was curious as to what I would find behind one of these doors as this chakra represented my relationship with me.

The first door came appeared in front of me (like monster Inc) and when I touched the knob the door disappeared and standing in front of me was myself at the age of six. Frightened, hurt and distressed. The compassion and love poured out of my heart and as I went to embrace my child self I felt her returning into myself and I felt healed I decided to see which Version of me was behind the last white door. I was myself from just the day before.

That was when I noticed different coloured doors. When I attempted to will one down a figure started walking down the stairs towards me. She was so bright that it was difficult to look at, as she came closer my eyes got used to the bright light. I was seeing a future version of myself. Healed, complete and balanced what struck me the most was that she was at peace.

"Mari, welcome home! You are not able to access these other doors yet as first together we need to heal this life".

I was curious as to what the different colours represented my future self knew my mind and answered for me. 

"Some doors are of your past self and some are of your future".

I have spent some time here learning about myself and becoming my own best friend.

I was determined to see my next "room" the hardest one of all. To get ready I spent time in each chakra. When I left my crown a figure my guide followed me without saying a word. When I left my heart the person there took my hand and when I left my solar plexus my future self-followed.

In front of me was a beautiful carved wooden door. I hesitated when reaching for the knob that was when the people who followed me, held my hand gave me the strength to continue The room was dark, small and was crowded. I could hardly see and I didn't want to step across the threshold. I stood there for a moment knowing exactly what I would find and part of didn't want to face them, the people in that room.

This chakra represented the relationships with other people. The first step over the threshold was the hardest to take. But I found the second and subsequent steps easier. My fears were all held in this room. All the people from my past and present were here. The darkness was overwhelming but the people with me did not flinch from the scene displayed in front of us.

The room was square and small but large enough to hold them all. I couldn't meet their eyes and the accusations hostility directed towards me.

Coming out of every space of these four walls was black iron hands that gripped all in there. They were stuck, my fear held them there. When I saw what I had done I fled and left the room, the task in front of me was just too hard to face. The emotions from the prisoners in this room followed me. Anger, frustration, disbelief, sadness and desperation were coming through loud and clear.

So I fled, like a coward I ran away. I sought solace in my heart apartment. Sobbing from shame my thoughts totally consumed with those that I had locked away and had an iron grip holding onto them.

I didn't hear or notice that some had entered my heart apartment until I felt their arms around me. Then another pair of arms engulfed me. Someone was wiping my face clear of my tears. When I opened my eyes my heart person was there with me clearly loving me for who I was. They also had tears running down their face. They must have sensed my confusion.

"Your pain is my pain".

My attention was drawn to the person to my right, my future self-holding me forgiving me.

In my next post I will elaborate on how I attempted to heal this room. I am still working every moment of every day to overcome my fear.