I had the appointment with the psychiatrist the other week and it left me wanting. I felt as though I was given the brush off, “your doing just fine”, “your already doing the things that I would suggest to you” and “if you need to speak to people use your support network and see your GP”.
On one hand I’m glad that I got the reassurance that the preparation that I’ve started to do is “the right thing”. But on the other, I still have a lot of anxiety about these babies being healthy and able to come home with me.
I’m currently booked into the same hospital as I was with Jordy, the hospital is about 5 minutes away and has a country hospital feel about it, you know welcoming, caring and professional. It is a private hospital and I’m looking forward to having the babies there. My concern is that because it is a small-ish hospital the level of nursery care is low.
They have a level 1 Nursery – which entails basic life support for neonates. My OB also delivers at another hospital (where I had my gall bladder removed) this one is about 30 minutes away and has a Level 3 Nursery.
A level 3 nursery is also known as a Special care nursery; Where they Manage babies born >32 weeks gestation with minimal complications and small babies growing up. Facilities include humidicribs, cardiorespiratory monitoring, IV fluid therapy, tube feeds and phototherapy.
The closest NICU is about 45 minutes away and my OB does not deliver there, so it would mean a new Dr, and I’m not even sure that I would be able to see one that is recommended.
So the big question I’m facing is: Should I stay at this hospital or move “just in case” there is a problem? Then I think, perhaps I’m making a big deal about this.
The psychiatrist could see that I needed to have a plan in place, but here I’m trying to plan for something that is totally out of my hands. My gut feeling is telling me to stay at my current hospital and if the babies are really that unwell then they will be moved and cared for. My private health insurance cover all the care that they may possibly need.
A great friend also suggested that I ask my OB for his opinion. Knowing how this pregnancy is progressing, what would he recommend?
I admit that I’m not coping very well this week, Jordy has not been himself and the past 2 days he has woken from his afternoon nap with a 39.5 degree temperature. I’ve been to the Dr twice but there is nothing wrong with him.
This whole situation has got me so anxious, I’m literally chasing him around the house with the thermometer. I have to wonder “am I making myself feel this way for attention”, or “am I just a drama queen”.
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
Excited
Admittedly I haven't been as excited about this pregnancy as I was with the first. I've been more worried and anxious about other things and if I'm going to be brutally honest, these babies have not come at the best time. But there is never the "best time".
Ok now having said the above I want to make it perfectly clear that I strongly believe with every fiber of my body that the universe would not have given us this beautiful gift of two babies, just to set us up to fail and loose everything.
Financially we aren't as ready to have these babies as what I would like to be. All our credit cards are maxed out and the thought of being off from work for a long period of time scares the hell out of me. No income...how are we going to eat.
At the start of the year I was reading one of my Sci-Fi books and in that book the words "The universe will provide" stood out for me along with some other insightful words. So while we are both worried about finances, the house, to buy, build, renovate or stay. I believe that the universe will provide us with answers.
Going into the OI cycle that created these little ones, another decision was waiting for me at the end. Which was to stay at my current job or leave. The universe decided that for me too, as I stayed.
My excitment really started today, when I saw both my little ones on the ultrasound. How precious they were waving their hands and moving around. In March I'm going to have two extra little babies in my life.
So whilst money drives us all and is still a concern for me, those concerns are shadowed when thinking about holding my new precious little ones in March.
I've talked about the house situation before and we have reached a decision. We are going to upgrade our house, if the price is right for us and we are going to build again. Saves on the stamp duty, we are currently looking at house and land packages as they are a cheaper option than buying land and then building a house.
First thing is first, we have to pay off 5 credit cards. I'm happy to report that with some of our Tax Return we were able to finally cut one of our cards up. Cancelled, paid off in full and cut up so as to never be used again. What a day that was. Jordy had no idea why Mummy and Daddy were running around screaming at the top of our lungs and giggling like kids when were cutting the cards up.
But in the end the universe is providing us with a solution that will help us in the long run and because of that I feel that I can now fully concentrate on being excited about my two new little babies.
Ok now having said the above I want to make it perfectly clear that I strongly believe with every fiber of my body that the universe would not have given us this beautiful gift of two babies, just to set us up to fail and loose everything.
Financially we aren't as ready to have these babies as what I would like to be. All our credit cards are maxed out and the thought of being off from work for a long period of time scares the hell out of me. No income...how are we going to eat.
At the start of the year I was reading one of my Sci-Fi books and in that book the words "The universe will provide" stood out for me along with some other insightful words. So while we are both worried about finances, the house, to buy, build, renovate or stay. I believe that the universe will provide us with answers.
Going into the OI cycle that created these little ones, another decision was waiting for me at the end. Which was to stay at my current job or leave. The universe decided that for me too, as I stayed.
My excitment really started today, when I saw both my little ones on the ultrasound. How precious they were waving their hands and moving around. In March I'm going to have two extra little babies in my life.
So whilst money drives us all and is still a concern for me, those concerns are shadowed when thinking about holding my new precious little ones in March.
I've talked about the house situation before and we have reached a decision. We are going to upgrade our house, if the price is right for us and we are going to build again. Saves on the stamp duty, we are currently looking at house and land packages as they are a cheaper option than buying land and then building a house.
First thing is first, we have to pay off 5 credit cards. I'm happy to report that with some of our Tax Return we were able to finally cut one of our cards up. Cancelled, paid off in full and cut up so as to never be used again. What a day that was. Jordy had no idea why Mummy and Daddy were running around screaming at the top of our lungs and giggling like kids when were cutting the cards up.
But in the end the universe is providing us with a solution that will help us in the long run and because of that I feel that I can now fully concentrate on being excited about my two new little babies.
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
There are two!
I'm having twins, yes twins. When I say those words my heart still leaps.
Last Monday when I had the 7 week ultrasound we saw both our babies. To say we were shocked in an understatement, to say we are overwhelmed is putting things mildly.
All in all I feel blessed with the gift of these babies.
My first OB appointment is today, so I will try to update more this afternoon.
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
Western medicine meets natural
That is what it took for me to fall pregnant this time around. But let me start with Clomid.
I went back to the Fertility specialist in January as my periods went back to the “normal” cycle, for me that means, having a bleed once every two to three months. Normal right?
He recommended Clomid as a first try as I had already been pregnant and this time around “It should be much easier for you”. I was not happy but I gave it a go and I regret the fact that I wasted so much time.
It was a horrific experience, I was in so much pain that I could hardly walk and have sex, there was no question, I was basically in too much pain. On top of all that my hormones were playing havoc and I turned into a right royal bitch.
After that cycle, was over I thought that I would go back and see the F/s and discuss my options. I had a new f/s as the other one is retiring, she also recommended another 2 cycles of Clomid. This time I built up enough confidence to stand up and say that I was not happy with Clomid and I would prefer Ovulation Induction again. Give me needles over that evil drug any day!
In the back of my mind I’ve had the questions about work, babies and a new job all muddled in together. I couldn’t make the decision, of staying, having another baby or leaving for another job. What I did decide was that I would let the universe decide for me.
I put everything into this cycle, I didn’t just go with the flow. I had a full body reki session performed on me and I saw a new Kinesiologist (from fertile ground) every fortnight. I truly believe that all this combined with the injections is the reason why it only took me one cycle of OI to conceive.
The universe did decide for me…I am going to have another baby. I’m continuing to have my hCG levels monitored but and have my first baby scan next Monday. I am nervous, anxious but I take strength from my hormone numbers.
My p4 levels in the second half of the cycle were nice and high above 50. My first hCG at just on 4 weeks was 403 (top of the range) and last week they were over 8000+, nice and strong.
Jordy is aware of the pregnancy, but doesn’t really understand what it all means. I’m continuing to work with the Kinesiologist to ensure that all is balanced. Baby, Jordy, Tim and me.
I went back to the Fertility specialist in January as my periods went back to the “normal” cycle, for me that means, having a bleed once every two to three months. Normal right?
He recommended Clomid as a first try as I had already been pregnant and this time around “It should be much easier for you”. I was not happy but I gave it a go and I regret the fact that I wasted so much time.
It was a horrific experience, I was in so much pain that I could hardly walk and have sex, there was no question, I was basically in too much pain. On top of all that my hormones were playing havoc and I turned into a right royal bitch.
After that cycle, was over I thought that I would go back and see the F/s and discuss my options. I had a new f/s as the other one is retiring, she also recommended another 2 cycles of Clomid. This time I built up enough confidence to stand up and say that I was not happy with Clomid and I would prefer Ovulation Induction again. Give me needles over that evil drug any day!
In the back of my mind I’ve had the questions about work, babies and a new job all muddled in together. I couldn’t make the decision, of staying, having another baby or leaving for another job. What I did decide was that I would let the universe decide for me.
I put everything into this cycle, I didn’t just go with the flow. I had a full body reki session performed on me and I saw a new Kinesiologist (from fertile ground) every fortnight. I truly believe that all this combined with the injections is the reason why it only took me one cycle of OI to conceive.
The universe did decide for me…I am going to have another baby. I’m continuing to have my hCG levels monitored but and have my first baby scan next Monday. I am nervous, anxious but I take strength from my hormone numbers.
My p4 levels in the second half of the cycle were nice and high above 50. My first hCG at just on 4 weeks was 403 (top of the range) and last week they were over 8000+, nice and strong.
Jordy is aware of the pregnancy, but doesn’t really understand what it all means. I’m continuing to work with the Kinesiologist to ensure that all is balanced. Baby, Jordy, Tim and me.
Friday, 30 November 2007
Photography
I told you I had a lot to catch you all up on...OK this is my last post for the day and i will make sure to post more often.
When I was at home with Jordan I dreaded going back to work. The lack of funds set me back earlier than I expected and whist I truely enjoy what I'm doing I don't enjoy the travel. This is why I'm kind of branching out into the invitations as a side thing. But it is slow going.
What I would really love to do is Photography, I wouldn't mind doing wedding occasionally but I want to mainly focus on family. I envy some of the website's that I've seen, I envy the equipment that they have and their skill. I've tried taking more photo's and trying to capture that special something that make you sigh when you see a photo...I think that I captured it here with Ellie walking Jordy.
If I were to give this photo a title it would say: "A special cousin bond".
What do you think?
Pictures I never thought I would have
We recently went on a family weekend away down the Great Ocean road to Apollo Bay. The weather was beautiful as well as the company.
Whilst Tim went off fishing and doing his thing I took Jordy down to the beach and just sat there watching him. My heart nearly burst and I was so overwhelmed, I still can't believe that there are still times that I'm in shock that I have a child (can't call him a baby anymore).
All that time though IF all the waiting all the tears, stress and worry were worth every moment see sand in between my sons toes (and shorts and nappy). Still even saying the words "My son", sends my heart fluttering.
All worth it
I had a dark time in my life way before infertility (if only I knew then what I know now). At the time Ellie was my Angel, she was a toddler then and couldn't really talk. But her unconditional love get me from going to the dark place and she kept me here.
It is so rewarding to see her relationship with Jordan, they too have a very special bond, they play and fight but they also love each other unconditionally, she is the only one that can get Jordy to sit still on the little stool to brush his teeth.
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