Tuesday, 12 July 2005

Confession time

I feel that I must confess about a few things, the desire to blog about it is strong and won’t leave me.

I’ve lied, will I go to hell? Possibly; But I’ve lied to myself and it is the worst crime I can think of. I went to all the trouble to get a letter from my GP so that I could go to Part Time hours, took a pay cut. All with the intention that I would use that time for good and not evil.

Well I’ve been uber evil, I’m a sloth, I lie about the reason why I can’t go to the personal training sessions. I don’t cook, the No BSS diet is out the window. I’ve reverted back to the old me, all because I just can’t be bothered.

I haven’t lost weight, in fact I’ve put on 2kg’s, but what is really funny is that I’ve seem to have lost 10cm every where.

I didn’t want to go but I went to PT session tonight and will be going again on Thursday, I feel guilty, retched. This whole “break” from OI and TTC was so that I could concentrate on “looking after myself”.

The truth came out the other day on the way home, when Ellie and Tina are here I’m the FABULOUS Mum, I cook sensible meals, exercise and won’t let them sit in front of the TV. I’m actually really active. Yet when it is just the two of us I revert back to Evil Mari (my nickname). Take out, sloth, depression become my domain.

I finally admitted to Mimi that when Bobim did come I know that I would be a totally different person, but until then I really DON’T CARE. There it is out in the world. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT MYSELF AND I’M HAPPY WITH THAT!

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