Last Thursday something happened that I am not ready to talk about, the feelings are just still too raw, even after over a week. The thoughts of the words that were spewed out at me still make me cry.
I kept it together on the train, tears were running down my cheek walking to the car and then the storm hit. It didn’t help that I had a phone call that just made the situation worse. I drove home in hysterical tears and arrived home a blubbering mess. As I blew my nose my ears popped and then the pain hit. I had an ear infection.
The last time I had an ear infection was over 2 years ago where I was at my first client and it lasted 4 weeks.
The next morning I woke to the thought “What am I not hearing?” I had the strong feeling that the universe was trying to say something to me, back and now and I was just not hearing the message. I also believed that this time if I don’t “hear” the message then my ear infection would not get better. It has been over a week and I still can’t hear very well out of my left ear, even though I am now on my second course of antibiotics.
I took some time off work as I got really sick, physically, mentally and emotionally ill.
During my last balance it was recommended to me that I should continue with “unhooking the physic hooks”. If it meant that I did it every minute of the day then I was to go “to the place in my mind” and unhook them. I kept trying and trying but they just would not go, the hooks are small now but they just kept on coming back.
I go into my special place in my mind and when I envisioned these hooks they were scattered all over my body and were linking too many different sources. What I realised is that whilst I removed the hooks from my body I never removed the hooks from the other end. So I proceeded to remove the hooks from the other end. I collect them in a medium size box but am left with a task of having to dispose of them. I don’t know how to get rid of them so I walk out the room and down the path onto the beautiful field that is surrounded but mountains and trees
The sun is shining so bright and I walk out into the centre of the field and place the box full of hooks at my feet. I raise my face to the sun shine and close my eyes allowing the light into my body.
“Dear universe / God, will you please help me dispose of these hooks?”.
I open my eyes and look to my feet where I had placed the box, it is now empty.
“Thankyou for helping me”.
I breathe in deeply and close my eyes again.
“Dear universe / God, may I ask one more thing from you, will you please remove the pain from my heart?”
“No” I receive as an impression is so strong, I open my eyes and to the left of me I see someone standing there, the aura they possess is overwhelming and I can’t look at them directly. I sink to my knees in despair, not understanding why in my time of need I am abandoned.
“Why, will you not help me? Why have you abandoned me?”
The impression I receive is “My Child, you are not abandoned, you are cherished. I cannot remove your pain my beloved, this is precisely what you asked for. I am with you always and you are ever alone. Look to the people in your life, trust in the people that love you do not push them away.”
As I hear the last sentence I see the person that was being referred to walking onto the field. It never occurs to me to question how this person can enter my sacred place in my mind.
It is through this pain and through this hardship that I will grow to be the person I am seeking.